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Couples therapy is a specialised type of therapy which takes into account both the individual's history and ways of managing themselves in the world and also the way the couple forms a pattern of actions and reactions to each other. This is often referred to as the couple 'dance'.


Our attachment style and how we have learned to regulate our emotions plays a big role in how we manage this couple dance.


Couple's therapy often strikes a balance between change and acceptance of the couple's differences. It often strives to enhance intimacy and differentiation and increase understanding about securely functioning relationships and how to develop them.

Intimacy can be thought of as the capacity to be your true self in the relationship, whilst letting your partner be their true self. In a securely functioning relationship partners strive to maintain intimacy and connection.

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Couple Problems 

All couples have unsolvable problems. John Gottman who studied couple behaviour for over 30 years found that 69% of couple problems are not solvable and this is because these perpetual conflicts pertain to fundamental differences between couples which are differences in personality or needs that form a fundamental part of their core definition of self. Psychologist Dan Wile said that in choosing a long-term partner one inevitably chooses a particular set of unresolvable problems.


So in short, If you can accept that many of your problems aren't going away in quite the way you think they will, then you can focus on what to do about those issues when they come up.

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